I thought I was scared of sharing my work with the public for a long time, until moments ago actually.
It turns out that I’m not scared of sharing my work with the world, I’m just selective with my audience.
The idea of sharing my deepest self, the quirky, weird, intensely analytical personality that likes to obsess over obscure topics, with my HS “friends” and 300 other “acquaintances,” was terrifying to me.
Why on earth would I do that? Why would I subject my art to an audience of people who quite honestly didn’t give a shit.
I convulse with laughter at the thought of me sharing my recent blog post, “Favorite Passages of Emerson’s Essay ‘Nature,'” on my personal social media page. 😂😂😂
These “friends” would be like “Okayy Nihel, what the heck are you up to?”
They just wouldn’t get it. They wouldn’t appreciate it. Because it is not for them.
And for awhile I thought that their (imagined) rejection of me was a reflection of the quality of my work. But really it’s a reflection of the scope of their interests.
But that social media bubble isn’t an indication of the real world. It is an arbitrary jumble of relationships that i’ve collected over the years. Some that I adore with all my heart and some that I briefly met once or twice.
This is not the group of people that I bear my creative soul to.
I mean I could, but subjecting my delicate creative portfolio to all of those people would be the same as letting every Tom, Dick and Harry meet my newborn baby. (Metaphor, I don’t actually have a baby.)
I would leave them vulnerable to all sorts of diseases and risks! Sure, they could have some wonderful interactions, but there is a high potential for risk.
I found a workaround this problem though.
I created this blog, with it’s own social media accounts, and I didn’t tell a soul.
And it has been the best decision of my creative life.
I now have the best of both worlds. My true friends, that see and appreciate me for who I really am have been welcomed in with open arms.
And new relationships have emerged that have bypassed and pierced through the superficial layer and landed immediately in that soulful place of mutual respect.
I feel allowed to pursue all of my interests, and to be all of “my-selves.”
Which is; to find like minded people. Find people who see the world like you do.
You will feel less alone. You will feel less unsure. You will find your place in the world.
Today I am happy to say that I am doing just that, and it is the most fulfilling feeling in the world.
Thank you to those who have followed, connected and witnessed my becoming.